The Decision: Results

I haven't posted in a long while, not because I completely forgot about this blog or anything of the sort, but because I haven't too much time to really create a blog post the way I wanted to. So last time I posted about "The Decision" was pretty much a little bit before I left for BMT, and I realized I didn't make a post explaining whatever happened throughout BMT, tech school, and even on the operational side of the Air Force and what happened with "The Decision" to join the Air Force. Let's dive into it.

Let's start off with the Physical part. If you've seen me recently when I came home from tech school graduation, you noticed that I got a lot bigger. Bigger as in muscle, not fat. Before BMT, I was pretty much stuck at about ehh.. 145-150 pounds. It always fluxuated between that range of weight. Was kinda skinny and my body didn't really mature. Coming outta BMT and nowadays, I am 165 pounds. Yeah "Holy Crap!" was exactly what I was thinking when they weighed me at the end of BMT. Never thought I would gain weight, let alone muscle like that, but I'm actually really happy about it and plan to gain as much muscle as I can before my metabolism ends...which won't happen until I'm way older. 

I loved the reaction when I came back home and the first thing everyone noticed was how much bigger I looked. Because of this muscle gain..it definitely did improve my confidence about my body, which is pretty high nowadays.

Second part is the Mental aspect. Not only just being smart but I gotta say that I definitely have matured ever since I left. Definitely learned three things about myself: Ambition, Responsibility/Accountability and Leadership. I know you see four OBVIOUSLY, but I count responsibility and accountability as the same thing. 

Ambition:

I've always been the type to be ambitious and have big goals, and do whatever it takes to get to the top. The problem was that I never put myself out there or really put in the effort needed to get to where I wanted to go. That was with everything; sports, music, school..just to name a few. I always assumed it would just fall into my lap, no work required. I learned REALLY QUICKLY that it doesn't work like that, and usually never does, especially when my flight and my MTI called me out about it on SEVERAL occasions. I remember a conversation that I had with my MTI when I got in trouble. He said "Smith E (because there were 3 Smith's in my flight including myself) why do you always try to take the easy way out of things? You have the potential to be great, but it gets tossed out because you try to take shortcuts and you're lazy." I didn't have a good answer for him at the time, but that stuck with me and it still does to this day..which transitions us to the next topic.

Responsibility/Accountability
Now usually I am pretty responsible, don't have to worry too much when it came to staying good and doing the things I was supposed to do. Sometimes though, as mentioned before, I would get called out on the flaws I had. Accountability was huge because sometimes, not gonna lie, I got away with a couple of things. Most of the time, not on purpose, just outta pure luck. I learned that, it's pretty much okay to be wrong or to say you screwed up instead of trying to find the cheap way out and slide under the radar when stuff goes south. It's all part of the process, considering I'm still young (21 years old to be exact) and still have a lot of life to live. Just own up to it and move on.

Leadership
If you haven't noticed by now, these things tie into each other..if you really haven't noticed, then I'm telling you: these things tie into each other..

The big game changer of all had to be leadership. It seems that pretty much my life, I always could be a leader, but didn't quite know what I really do that made me stand out from the rest of the pack and got me being called a "leader". Even at a young age, all I did was do my work and pretty much stayed quiet, and that was considered being a leader. Wasn't anything flashy or even noticeable (at least to me), but was still being considered a leader.

Believe it or not, I hated going in front of people and speaking about something. Mainly because of confidence and I really wasn't sure if people really cared about anything I said, or if my opinion was really worth anything. A couple of other things factor in there as well but we'll just keep it simple. In short, I was pretty timid when it comes to that kind of thing. I didn't like to put myself out there, or take risks and think "F*** it..if it goes well, awesome, if not...oh well"

I remember one night in basic where my flight had everyone get a sheet of paper and write out a list. The list consisted of two things: One side was about what we actually liked about the person, the positive side of things. The other side of the paper was about what the person could improve on individually. This was basically constructive criticism. So after everyone made their way around the dorm, I took a good hard look at my sheet.

The positive side said this:
- Best Marcher
- Good Attitude, always positive
- Always willing to help out
- Willing to learn about things

The criticism said this:
- Hospital Corners &Rolling Shirts (hated doing hospital corners for the life of me!!)
- Really quiet sometimes
- Timid


And on the bottom of the paper we had a comment section, just in case somebody wanted to put something extra, and it said:
"You can be a great leader, you just have to put yourself out there and stop being so timid"

From that on, I put myself more out there in leadership roles, being more outgoing and taking advantages of the opportunities that came my way, and so far it's worked out pretty well in my favor if I say so myself.


The Results
I honestly think joining the Air Force was one of the best decisions that I have made in my life. Even though I've only been in only over a year, the time has been a blast meeting different people, seeing different places I never thought I'd get to see being back at home, and doing something above myself. All in all a good decision.


Phoenix

Cycle Of Misses

How do you feel when somebody says those three words to you? Not talking about "I Love You", or "I want you". I'm talking about " I miss you". Now the first question you might have is; Who is the person that's saying it to me?  Let's just say anybody, whether it be a friend, loved one, spouse, your child, whomever you wanna choose. From the things I just listed, the general feeling is a good feeling because it's somebody you care about that misses you. Now you're probably asking, "Okay...so what is this blog about this time?" Glad you asked, and I'll dive straight into it.

I feel like those three words get tossed around a lot, and those three words have lost the power that they once held. Usually the cases happen between females or sometimes when a female says that to a male. But mostly it's females that say this a lot more than males.

*Quick sidenote* This is mainly from my personal experience and eyes from girls doing this to me. Keep that in mind. But I kept it to people just in case females can relate to this blog too.*

Normally I don't have a problem with somebody saying they miss me, I think it's cool. BUT what I DO have a problem with is somebody that says they miss me, and they initiate this thing I like to call the "cycle of misses". The cycle of misses is what I refer to as somebody who says they miss you because of certain situations that either happened to them or something they are going through, NOT because they really do miss you. You can probably relate to some of these situations because you know people that actually do this, or have done this to you.

The first cycle is those people that say they miss you, but they really don't. They just say it to say it, and pretty much want some attention from somebody (you) and they hope you'll give them some. These can also be classified as those types of people that always wanna say "Hey let's hangout sometime!" but they never plan anything or even attempt to wanna hang out with you. Or better yet, the people that say "Here's my number text me sometime!" and you end up texting them but they don't text back or rarely text back. You never hear from them again until they pop up again.

Second cycle comes from something I'm starting to see quite often nowadays. This happens when somebody goes through a bad breakup or ending a relationship, and then all of a sudden they come outta the blue saying they miss you and now for those few moments you are the best person ever and they wanna talk to you all day, everyday. This leads to them flirting a lot with you and could also lead into the first situation. They pretty much want you to fill up the "rebound" or the "picker-upper" role so that they feel good enough to go out and get another boyfriend/girlfriend. Then you never hear from them until they break up with somebody else.

The third and final cycle usually comes from a former friend or somebody you were once cool with. This usually happens either when you two have beef with each other, or they did something wrong to you then wanna say  "I'm sorry, I miss you" or some kind of variation of it. The only different thing about this compared to the other two cycles is that in this one you have the choice whether or not to keep in contact with these people or not.

Personally, I don't say I miss you unless I really mean it. Even when I do, I say it to two types of people. Those two types are family, and a loved one. It doesn't feel right to say I miss you when I don't talk to you at all or not that much. That's just me though, and my opinion. Whatever the case is, saying " I Miss You" is definitely lost it's power and it's edge that it was supposed to originally have.

The Decision: Part 4

It's been a while since I last posted, and I know I said that I would be more frequent with my posts, but that hasn't happened and I apologize, but I figured I'd update you on what's happened since Part 3. This blog post is more like an Update than a blog post.

Surprisingly enough, a lot has happened since August (according to my last post). Things such as :

In terms of the new: 

- Recruiter

- Place for tech school

- Friends

- Group

- People

In terms of the old: 

- Ship out date

- Same ol Belleville

- Still no job but at this point it really doesn't matter

The old category is pretty self explanatory, so I'm gonna focus on the new because I think that's way more important right now.

So where to begin? Might as well start from the top. Some will be short, some might have a little more detail.

Recruiter

First question that might pop up as you're reading this, "You got a new recruiter?? How and Why?"

Well, here's what happened. Before I start this topic, shout out to the person who was formally known as Ssgt. Ferris. Okay, had to get that out of the way.

This happened around mid to late September, and I received a phone called from the Technical Sergeant asking me to meet with him. I thought I was going to be in trouble because that was the first time I ever got called by somebody that high rank, except the time I was called by the Commander of MEPS. When I met him, he told me that Ferris was no longer a Ssgt but instead her title is now Miss or Ms. Ferris  (forgot if she was married or not). Apparently, her and a few other recruiters got in trouble for something they did, and they all got discharged from the military because of that. I wasn't able to get specifics on what exactly they did, but it was bad enough to the point where they got discharged. Haven't had contact with Ferris except a text she sent out saying "I'll be in contact." I guess moral of that story was, you can't get away with anything when it comes to the military.

Place for Tech School

Found out that the Tech School I'm going to after I graduate from BMT is Goodfellow AFB in San Angelo Texas. Pretty excited for it, although I'm curious as to why my tech school is really short (93 days). In any case, I'll make the very best of the time I have there.

Friends/Group

I know this sounds kinda cliche but initially I didnt know if I was gonna make too many friends heading into BMT, because I didnt know anybody else from my area that was going into BMT around the same time as me but thanks to my curiosity, I managed to find a group on Facebook that had a group for people leaving for BMT in the month of November. I met a lot of very cool and interesting people, and some of these people turned out to be my best friends going into BMT. Shout outs to the Mindreaders if you're reading this! Joining the Facebook group made things ten times more easier for me, because it's a good feeling knowing that people are in the same boat with you when they leave for BMT.

Conclusions 


Overall I gotta admit I was definitely nervous, scared, uncertain about going into BMT, but now that I met these people, BMT just seems like a breeze to me, because I know what to expect, and I know I will have friends while I'm down there, which always is a good feeling when you're going through something new and major in your life.

I only have 1 month and a few days before I'm officially shipped out to BMT, and I can't believe how time is flying by so quickly. I'm just ready for this big change in life, ready for new life experiences, and ready to be part of the United States Air Force.

The Decision: Part 3

I recently thought about some things that I just thought that relates to my version of "The Decision", so here goes.

First things first, I do have my ship-out date for my faithful readers. It's Nov 29, 2011.

My literal first reaction was, "Finally, I'm going to be out of here soon!" and I was really excited. I can't wait to "take my talents to" Lackland AFB or San Antonio Texas, and join the United States Air Force.

Then after talking with some people, I realized that November wasn't as far away as I had originally thought, it's actually 3 months away according to this blog. Most reactions I got were pretty much what I expected. I got a lot of sad responses, some good responses, a couple of mad responses for some odd reason, but all of them were happy for me, and wished me luck. So if you're reading this, and you wished me luck, thank you!

After a while, another thought popped into my head. The thought that " I wont be going to school at the same time anymore". For about 19 years of my life, I have always went to school in August/September, and that hasn't changed..until this year. 

Normally around this time, I'd be talking with my friends about this upcoming school year. Things like what classes we got, what new things we were going to try out as far as student activities, the "New" more "Study Harder" versions of ourselves, which we end up sometimes not doing. We'd also be talkin about how much our books cost this semester, or how boring or great our summer was. It'd just be like any other school year.

But like I said before, not this year.

This year, I'm joining the Air Force, meaning I won't be going to school like everyone else. Instead I'll be training, working out, attending DEP Commander Calls, all up to the day in which I leave, while everyone else is heading to school, and doing all of that school stuff.

Is it weird? Hell yeah. Will I ever go to school again? Yeah I will once basic training is done and over with. 

I'll still get that "college experience" but it'd be a really different experience, Air Force style. I heard it aint too bad, just gotta focus, and do what you're supposed to do. Either way, I'll get my degree one way or another.

In the meantime, all I can do is just be patient. These months will fly by quickly and training will be done, and I'll be back in school once again. Maybe it's a good thing that I don't start school normally this year, who knows. 

We'll see the end result once it comes around. I'm ready for whatever comes my way.

If Your Out There..

iif you're out there.

Hey you

Girl

yeah you

with the nice eyes and the pretty smile

with the voice that sounds like heaven

with the body of a goddess

with the personality of an angel

My name's Eric, pleased to meet you.

i always asked myself and others have asked me countless times

what kind of girl is my dream girl

well to me it seems like you fit the bill

haha don't be shy, take a chance

life's all about living it up like it's your last day to live

so why not live it to the fullest extent

take a chance with me, you wont regret it..promise

but i must warn you, im a little weird.

not weird as in bad, but weird as in different

different is good nowadays, from what girls have told me.

so i guess im doing something right..

well i take that back, because if i was doing something right

i wouldn't be talking to you in the first place

i guess you can say, i've had a streak of bad luck when it comes to girls,

maybe it's a sign, or maybe it's just the way it is sometimes.

but the weird thing is..girls have told me im the perfect guy

not bragging, or anything, but it's true, ask around

and i always say thank you and be polite, but deep down, i wonder how it is possible

me: Eric Brandon Smith..is such a perfect guy but yet hasn't found his perfect girl.

you say don't worry about it?

well it doesn't necessarily worry me, but it kinda troubles me.

reason being that finding a perfect girl, is hard and painful, and i don't like the painful part.

then again who does? haha.

personally i don't care about the race, or what color your hair is, or which stereotype you fit in.

just as long as i feel comfortable around you

and the ability to feel like your style and personality compliment mine

and the ability to be in sync with one another, if you know what i mean.

you know what else would be wonderful?

if you said with confidence, "I could be the perfect girl for you." and mean it

when i say "you think you are the perfect girl for me?"

but not overconfidence

trust me i can tell when a girl is being overconfident.

but back to the main question i get asked.

what about the body you ask?

well honestly as long as i think it's reasonable, it's fine with me.

you dont have to be extra skinny, or super buff

you can have just a little bit of that extra baggage that you call "fat"

that works fine.

oh by the way, you have real nice eyes, did i mention that..

the way they shine through the light is amazing..

i kind of get lost in them...

they probably shine in the moonlight, when it hits them.

and your smile, it's so beautiful

i could look at it all day

it's very nice and warming.

haha, someone's blushing

but hey it's the truth

i call it like i see it

maybe that's being blunt and forward, but i wouldnt have said it if i didnt mean it

you're probably thinking, what a first impression, are you just trying to get in my pants?

No im not, that's the last thing that comes to my mind when making first impression, that stuff can come down the road once the relationship is established.

So you think im really outgoing and spontaneous..

well i can be

but in honesty im just introverted and shy

but being outgoing and extroverted sometimes isn't so bad

when i can feel like i can act like my true self.

at least that's what put me in this situation between me and you.

you wanna know more about me?

well.. im definitely curious for starters

curiosity killed the cat some say, but then again, i don't own a cat, so curiosity cant kill it or me.

Favorite color? would have to say green

emerald green if you wanna get into specifics

Favorite food? Homemade tacos

Favorite type of music? Neo- Soul. It's like smooth R&B and Jazz combined with singing of course.

it's a good type of genre, try it sometime.

I also love video games

Depending on the game, i think i could probably take you on. I like a challenge.

If you win, i wouldn't care, just means that i actually have someone who can give me a good time.

Favorite thing to do at night is to look out the window, and look at the stars, and think about everything that's happening in my life, from past to present, and sometimes even the future.

To me, the future is all in my active imagination, and something im definitely curious about.

Music? i love music, it's my thing. I play the flute, and i learned a little bit of piano. And it's been with me officially since 6th grade.

it's the thing that i turn to to relax or to play with how im feeling that day.

So now you're wondering, why me, why did you choose me?

it wasn't because of my mind, or my body

more because my heart said you were the right one

it definitely feels different..not like the feelings in the past

and the weird thing is..i kinda like it.

but i wanna warn you

i don't have time for games.

if you're gonna break my heart in the future

or have a shady past.

you might as well come clean about it now

because i've been through too many heartbreaks

too many sad endings

too many crushed feelings

to go through another one

not sure if i can take another one to be quite honest..

definitely isn't healthy for me one bit

but hey if you wanna take a chance on me, then how could i say no

you might actually be the soul mate i've been searching for my whole lifetime

if your heart's in it, mine is too.

looks like we got the chemistry part down

and it looks like we are definitely physically attracted to each other

and personality wise, i could say we are definitely in sync.

but are you sure?

you sure you can handle "the perfect guy" if you're not used to it.

a guy who can be a reckless, who doesn't like being controlled by a person who loves being in control

a rebel against authority in other words

a guy who's weird and different in a good way

a guy who'll give up being single and all the fun things that come with it,

just to have a very good and long relationship

a guy who'll treat you right, with respect, and like a queen, the way girls should be treated.

if so..then strap yourself in, you're in for a ride of a lifetime

you teach me and i'll teach you

and in the process of getting to know each other

we could actually dare i say...fall in love?

which i have truly haven't really felt what it means to be in "real love"

sounds dangerous and risky right?

well if your good luck syncs with my good luck

then we shouldn't have to worry about anything

no matter what, we would be inseparable

kind of like an item..

that would make me happy trust me.

everyone would think we would make the best couple in the world

and i would say i couldn't agree more, and look at you and smile.

So let's do it and get it started shall we?

and create the harmonious bliss known as true love.

This is what i would say to you, if i knew who you were..

if i had some indication or some light or a sign

something to guide me.

As im sitting here writing this note i think,

is the perfect girl someone i already met?

someone in my past?

or is the girl the one reading this note

whoever it may be, I'll tell you one thing.

I'm ready to know who you are, so come introduce yourself, don't be shy.

seriously don't be shy, i won't bite...promise

Give me your heart, and i'll give you mine.

If and only if..

If You're Out There..

The Phoenix Doesn't Wanna Settle

Relationships, settling down, tied down and me in the same sentence?? I don't think so.

Recently, I've been encountering a lot of chicks that I talk to that want to be in a relationship. Not talking relationship as in just kick it, chill, hangout friends. I'm talking serious relationship, dating, settling down kind of relationship.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind if a chick wants to date me. However, at this stage of my life, I do not want to settle down right now, I see no point in doing so. What happened today pretty much solidified my choice in being single for a long ass time. I'll just break it down as simple as I can.

I felt suffocated talking to these girls. Like these chicks were aggressive as hell in trying to get me to be in a relationship with them. Now I like an aggressive girl that knows she wants me and goes after it, BUT, I DO NOT LIKE, a girl that always wanna text, or instant message, or call every 5 minutes asking what you doing or are you still there, that just annoys me really bad. It was just the way THOSE chicks did it that irritated me to hell and back, but for some reason when another girl did it, I didn't get bothered by it. I guess it depends on the girl. I just felt like i didn't have any space, they just wanted to be with me all the time, talk to me all the time, just felt like I had no type of privacy and I couldn't do anything.

Like I said before, at this stage of my life I don't wanna settle or be in a relationship right now. First off, I am going to be leaving for the Air Force soon, meaning there would be absolutely no point in trying to squeeze a quick relationship that's only gonna last for a few weeks and that's it. To me that's just not a real relationship. A relationship is something that at least lasts at a minimum of one MONTH, dating lasts only one WEEK. Huge difference there, dont you think?

Secondly, I'm only 19 years old according to my birthday of December 3rd, 1991 and according to the date this blog post is created. *8/4/2011* I got a lot to live, and last time I checked, 19 years old is still pretty young. I got plenty of time to settle down in the years to come, and I probably will settle down once I get myself all good. My auntie said it best, "right now you should focus on you and the Air Force" and I definitely agree with her. I feel like once I accomplish that, everything will fall into place, and everything will work itself out.

Now that I think about it, I really haven't experienced life like I should. I didn't get the full college experience that I thought I was going to get from going to school, and haven't got to really live on my own too much (One year at Western Michigan, doesn't really count for too much nowadays). I just feel like it's a world of opportunities and experiences that are waiting for me, and settling down and being in a relationship right now seems like the worst thing I can do before I leave for Basic Training.

In any case, the Phoenix doesn't wanna settle down..until later on in my life.

The "Market"

I'll explain this like it's a game. (Even though it IS kinda like one if you really take the time to think about it).

*Sidenote - When i say the word "buy" when it comes to this whole market stuff it means in a relationship* 

Eventually as humans and as a teenagers and young adults, the idea of companionship comes around. The thought of sharing your world with another person, being together in a relationship, romance, the happily ever after that everyone wants creeps into your mind. Before you know it, your shopping in this thing called a "market" (or store, whichever you prefer). You have your list on what you want out of your companion. Things such as hair color, body type, political views, tastes in music, talents, philosophies, goals in life, those kinds of things (there's probably more to this list but I'm not going to put them down) you know what I'm talking about. 

In theory, the goal of this "Market" is to basically get the best product available that you can find and establish a relationship with it for a set amount of time (DISCLAIMER: Time varies with the product you choose). Now for some people, they only go to the market at least a few times (like two or three) and don't come back. For others, they are frequent shoppers at this market racking up those reward points because they buy and run through products so quickly, it'd make your head spin.

If the thought of "what kind of person are you in this market game" came across your mind, i'll tell you.

For me, I am one of those people that does go to the market occasionally, BUT, I just browse. I see what the products themselves offer, compare to them to the "list" that I have, and if it matches, I may or may not put it in the cart. Right now though, nothing's going into the cart.

As we all know, every product is different, no two are the same. All have more costs and benefits. Some products are deceiving, some are too good to be true, some have malfunctions that we can't deal with, some just look so dam attractive to buy that you have to just get it now but upon further investigation (or maybe experience with that product) it wasn't worth getting it at all.

In any case we all go to the "Market" eventually at some point of time because we have that need of companionship. Just be careful of what products you choose, as they would say, buyer beware.

Once you find the product that makes you the happiest, and would stick with for a lifetime, you know you did something right.

Happy Shopping,

Phoenix